sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
