I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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