Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
