Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
