it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
