Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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