Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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