i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
