Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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