friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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