Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
