she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
