He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
