I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
