its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
