um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
