Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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