So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
