when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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