Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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