Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
