I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
