Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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