woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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