Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
