I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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