A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
