Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When are your genitals available?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
