opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
