You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
