I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
