My sheets look like a crime scene.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
