If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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