Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
