hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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