Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
