You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
