if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
did i just pee glitter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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