so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize