Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
