Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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