so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
