She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
