I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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