i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
