I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize