Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I smell stomach acid.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
