Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
