Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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