Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
