Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
