I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
