just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
