He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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