Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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