i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
