i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
