she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
