come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He better not be in your backpack
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
