I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
