so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
