what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
