how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
