as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
