You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
