my phone needs a breathalizer
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
