Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're a waste of cheezeits
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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